Guest Post: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team

Hey y'all,

So you may have noticed October was a bit quiet around the ol' Unpro.  Basically, I've been dealing with some personal stuff, work has been insanely busy, and I really miss creative writing so I'm about to dive into National Novel Writing Month for the second year in a row of 50,000 words in 30 days.  The next couple weeks will consist of guest posts, and I'll be popping up in the comments to add my two cents (because I always have at least two cents, or four, or fifty-three).

Thanks for understanding, and this week, please to enjoy an awesome post from Meg, who's shown up on this blog to comment on Things TV Taught Us and White Girl Problems, and now has her very own blog, Questionable Taste!  Rock on with Meg as she explores her favorite cable television treasure and be sure to let her know what you think!

Everything is bigger in Texas. 

The hair, the sequins, the oil rigs, and, of course, the football. I kind of have a fascination with Texas - it's like a different world. I love big and sparkly things, and I think maybe I was a Texan in another life. Because of this, I’m going to share with you the best-kept secret on basic cable: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team. I realize I have questionable taste in everything, but before you laugh at your computer screen, hear me out.

The concept is pretty simple: cameras follow young hopefuls as they shake, kick, and jump-split their way to a spot on the Dallas Cowboys’ famed cheerleading squad. In charge of choosing the ladies are DCC director Kelli Finglass and choreographer Judy Trammell (both former cheerleaders themselves) who demand excellence not only in dance ability, but also personality, handling public appearances and “looking good in the uniform" (read: not having any extra weight).

Kelli and Judy are tired of your shit.

The aspiring cheerleaders go through several rounds of auditions, with a select few making it to the squad’s training camp, where they’ll learn routines and the fine art of "sexy walking," get sized up by the audition judges on Cowboys Stadium's 60-yard flat-screen TV, and endure boot-camp-style workouts. From training camp, several more ladies are cut from the squad, being called into Kelli's office and informed that "Tonaht will be your fahnal naht." (That's my typing impression of a Southern accent there.) Tears and heartbreak ensue. So why do hundreds of girls try out for 36 spots each year? And why can I not stop watching this show?

Because Kelli and Judy are damn good at what they do. Kelli knows how to put a squad together, and Judy comes up with dance routines that are fun and sexy without being over-the-top. They’re no-nonsense big-haired Southern belles and they know exactly what they’re looking for. Show up late to a uniform fitting? Stumble in the kickline? Kelli and Judy won’t have it. Being a DCC is about more than just being hot and shaking poms. Part of what I like about the squad is that the cheerleaders have to actually be able to dance, and not everyone can do high kicks and jump in the air and land in the splits. And if you can’t hack it, you’re out.

And as someone who’s been involved with dance and theater most of her life (and on the poms squad in high school), I know the crazy and emotional ride that is the audition process. So much can be at stake, and in the end, it’s a situation over which you have no control, and the show doesn’t sugarcoat this fact. Some of the ladies auditioning are back for the third, fourth, or fifth time, often making it to final auditions but ultimately falling short. It may seem like it's just about doing booty-shaking and high kicks and cheering on Miles Austin, but it’s not as easy as it looks.

Despite its intensity, though, I totally want to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. I took poms and dance and love sparkles and can tease my hair and could probably eventually do high kicks if I worked on it. But I think Kelli and Judy would probably kick me off the squad - not sure I have what it takes.

But I really want a pair of those cowboy boots.

Are YOU guest bloggy-rific?  If you'd like to contribute to The Unprofessional Critic, email me at maybeimamazed02[at]yahoo[dot]com!

Hot-n-Fun: My Weekend and A Very Bloggy Roundup

Yo yo yo, Unpro-ites!  It's late July and I heartily commend your survival skills if you haven't melted yet.

So yesterday I took part in not one but TWO outdoor festivals.  This is worth noting, because on a good day I loathe these things.  There's nothing wrong with wandering around drinking/eating/looking at art with your friends.  Nothing at all.  But you see, I grew up within spitting distance of county fairgrounds (and there was no rest in the off-season, as the county fairgrounds doubled as a racetrack, meaning on Friday nights at least six months of the year we were treated to an hours-long VROOOOOOOOOM.  El train noise is a picnic compared to that shit).  Therefore, anything that involves crowds, sweat and booths is a bigger turnoff to me than Michael Scott describing his reverse vasectomy.

The latter fest was a work necessity, and by late afternoon the temp had cooled a bit and there was a nice breeze, so my three-hour shift was relatively pleasant.  (Plus, free chicken fresh off the grill afterwards!)  The former, however, marked the occasion of My Very First Flash Mob (TM).  One of my dance teachers and her company decided to get their Stevie Wonder on, and I was ecstatic to take part.  I've wanted to be in a flash mob ever since seeing this video clip.  And I don't even like Weeds!



Though an early morning thunderstorm had me hesitating, I realized that years of outdoor theatre (and we're talking wearing a long-sleeved cowgirl costume in 100+ degree weather) had conditioned me to perform in the most precarious of situations.  Besides, if I'm gonna perish in a tornado, I'd rather go down dancing than huddled in a basement Hail Mary-ing for my life.  Luckily, the weather cleared up in plenty of time, and rehearsed-to-look spontaneous merriment ensued:



Check out the dork in the blue skirt.  Trust me, her inner theatre geek was positively squeeing.

Anyhoozle, the name of the game this week is blogs.  I've previously done some shout-outs, and thought it was high time I introduced some new faves.  Feel free to click, explore, and give these talented and fab ladies (and one gent) some lurve.

1.  Ms. Friendly's Comprehensive Guide to Inner-City Teaching.  A while back, one of my readers contacted me to check out her blog.  Three months, one bout with bronchitis, and one intense workload later, I finally stopped dragging my feet, and was I glad I did!  I have other friends who are teachers, and have done some instructing myself, and I'm always entertained to hear school horror stories conveyed in a witty way.  Not to mention I admire the hell out of educators for boldly going where Unpro would never dare to go full-time.  From skewering her assistant principal to calling out her students on their snarkiness and their sweetness, Ms. Friendly is a lot of fun, and she'll return to regular posting in the fall.  Think Jen Lancaster Goes to Public School.

2.  Obsessions of a Workaholic.  A few months ago, my good friend hopped on the blogging bandwagon and never looked back.  (Tis a big responsibility but highly addictive.)  She too is a teacher--most specifically an adjunct and assistant professor--as well as an English Lit PhD student.  Oh yeah, and she's recently jumped back into the online dating scene.  For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing this woman in real life, enjoy her clever turns of phrase as she navigates writing, educating and the randomness of city life.

3.  Anthroholic.  Lately I've gotten into fashion, and no one is more surprised about this than I.  Even more shockingly, I've started to patronize Anthropologie.  I'd previously written off this store as being too Euro-y and exclusively for chicks built like coat hangers.  But in May, when I was looking for a cocktail dress to wear at a hip L.A. bar for Bob's and my ten-year friend-iversary, I hit paydirt at Anthro's downtown Chicago location.  I've been hooked ever since--granted, on my budget I have to be careful, but they do have good sales on well-made pieces built to last.  And wouldn't ya know it, there are some cool Anthropologie-related blogs out there, the most quintessential of which involves a lovely lady named Kim who also lives in Chicago (Windy City repreSENT!).  Join Kim as she makes recommendations, mixes pieces old and new (and not exclusively Anthro), and showcases outfits from fashionable and fun readers.  Granted, the fitting room reviews don't help me a whole lot (Kim's all tiny and perfect and I have boobs and hips to burn), but for a relatively new clothing enthusiast, Anthroholic's been a godsend.

4.  Questionable Taste.  Truth be told, I'm kind of mad at my sister Meg.  It was her "oh my God that is the cutest dress EVER you look so pretty full price is totally worth it!" that got me into Anthropologie in the first place.  Enabler.  (For the record, she also led me to Anthroholic.  Double enabler!)  Despite my wallet's anger at her, I do enjoy her blog.  Again, as someone who's just starting to care about what she puts on her bod, I appreciate any and all help on where to find cute things and how to put them together.  I also enjoy her pop-culture musings, funny random videos (Alan Thicke-hosted aerobics competition, anyone?), and pictures of her adorable putty-tat, Nessa.

5.  Zip and a Kick!  This one comes to us courtesy of my L.A. pal Joe, a nerdy-yet-hip dude whose finger is on the pulse of all things comic, comedy and Disney.  He also likes hot boys, so we have that in common.  One of my favorite features of this blog is Mix-N-Mash Mondays , where Joe showcases whatever remix or mashup he's been sweatin' lately.  Joe's a laugh and a half in real life, but for those of you not fortunate enough to know him, give his zippy blog a whirl.

As an added bonus, remember the Deception review and giveaway?  Our winner, Ms. LadyJ3000, reviewed the book on her blog--check it out!

Unpro and Sis Present: White Girl Problems

Ah, to be a rich Caucasian female with money to burn and nothing to lose.  That's the concept behind the hilarious Twitter feed White Girl Problems.  Think Stuff White People Like with a designer bag and without a book deal (yet).

In the spirit of satire, Sister Unpro (who has started her own fun fashion blog) and I decided to compose some White Girl Problems of our own.  

Disclaimer: this is SATIRE ONLY.  Just for fun.  No soapboxes in the comments, please.  What I'd love to see in the comments?  Your own take on white girl/first world problems!


Fashion (aka Label Whoredom)

This poetry book is weighing down my leather tote.

I have to wake up at 2 a.m. for the Anthropologie sale.

This season's sunglasses suck.

My heels are sinking into the grass.

These shoes were not made for walking around the mall.

My boyfriend says Brooks Brothers is poorly made.

This bag is cute, but it's not a Coach.

Mind, Body and (No) Soul

I seriously don't know how I lost this weight.

My back is peeling.

Cheap shampoo makes my scalp itch.

My therapist says you're full of shit.

I put on two pounds.

Destinations

All I want is to go back to England.

I'm so over the Hamptons.

I'm so over Martha's Vineyard.

I'm so over Nantucket.

What do you mean, you don't speak French?

Technology

You erased So You Think You Can Dance from the DVR.

Facebook is down.

My iPod earbuds are too big for my ears.

Food

This organic banana is bullshit.

This brie is bullshit.

This cupcake is bullshit.

This hummus is bullshit.

These Kalamata olives are bullshit.

Sports and Recreation

I'm hot, but you're ugly, so this club won't let us in.

When I said "I like independent film," I didn't mean "I want to watch unattractive people with bad teeth reminisce about trees for two and a half hours."

I had one drink and I'm drunk.

My Yorkie hates me.

He likes Dane Cook.

He disappeared into a bar at 7 a.m. the day the World Cup started, and I haven't heard from him since.

No, I will NOT move over my yoga mat.  I got here first.