Monday, June 28, 2010

Unpro and Sis Present: White Girl Problems

Ah, to be a rich Caucasian female with money to burn and nothing to lose.  That's the concept behind the hilarious Twitter feed White Girl Problems.  Think Stuff White People Like with a designer bag and without a book deal (yet).

In the spirit of satire, Sister Unpro (who has started her own fun fashion blog) and I decided to compose some White Girl Problems of our own.  

Disclaimer: this is SATIRE ONLY.  Just for fun.  No soapboxes in the comments, please.  What I'd love to see in the comments?  Your own take on white girl/first world problems!

Fashion (aka Label Whoredom)

This poetry book is weighing down my leather tote.

I have to wake up at 2 a.m. for the Anthropologie sale.

This season's sunglasses suck.

My heels are sinking into the grass.

These shoes were not made for walking around the mall.

My boyfriend says Brooks Brothers is poorly made.

This bag is cute, but it's not a Coach.

Mind, Body and (No) Soul

I seriously don't know how I lost this weight.

My back is peeling.

Cheap shampoo makes my scalp itch.

My therapist says you're full of shit.

I put on two pounds.


All I want is to go back to England.

I'm so over the Hamptons.

I'm so over Martha's Vineyard.

I'm so over Nantucket.

What do you mean, you don't speak French?


You erased So You Think You Can Dance from the DVR.

Facebook is down.

My iPod earbuds are too big for my ears.


This organic banana is bullshit.

This brie is bullshit.

This cupcake is bullshit.

This hummus is bullshit.

These Kalamata olives are bullshit.

Sports and Recreation

I'm hot, but you're ugly, so this club won't let us in.

When I said "I like independent film," I didn't mean "I want to watch unattractive people with bad teeth reminisce about trees for two and a half hours."

I had one drink and I'm drunk.

My Yorkie hates me.

He likes Dane Cook.

He disappeared into a bar at 7 a.m. the day the World Cup started, and I haven't heard from him since.

No, I will NOT move over my yoga mat.  I got here first.


  1. I also think you need a reference about how white girls do not get drunk. Roughly 50 percent of my female friends have magically had roofies put in their drink, as opposed to drinking too much. "I wish I could go somewhere without getting my drink spiked."

    Also, a flip-flop reference is needed. White girls lovveeeee flip-flops.

  2. White girls with problems like these turn into the white women with problems that I saw in the mall today:

    1-I can't believe (insert nanny's name here) took her vacation the week before Avery goes to camp!

    2-Said Nanny's vacation leaves no time for a manicure this week.

    3-Said Nanny's vacation means the do-nothing white mother has to *gasp* cook dinner for little Avery!

  3. HAHAHA..all of these are hilarious and creative!! Love them; especially the location true. I sadly find myself guilty of making some of these complaints.

  4. I just graduated from USC, which is pretty much the West Coast capital of White Girl Problems:

    My dad won't give me any money to put in my Gucci wallet.

    It's raining and I don't want to walk anywhere.

    I don't know what to wear.

    I had to pay for a drink.

    My dad said we could go to Greece after my summer in Paris but now we can't so I have to go home for two weeks.

    Nobody will hire me for jobs I'm not qualified for.

  5. LOVE the suggestions, everyone!

    Nikki: believe me, I've encountered those women too. And then I think of my own mother, who had a full-time job for most of my childhood and still managed to raise three kids!

    Saumya: as a Certified Hummus Snob (TM), I too have been guilty of making these complaints. Not to mention when I go to Stuff White People Like, I can check soooo many things off that list.

    Clarafications: I love how USC's nickname is University of Spoiled Children.