I won't beat around the bush: we're breaking up.
I was so excited for you in the beginning. I first met you in spring of 2008, I read a script of the pilot courtesy of my friend Bob. Believe it or not, Sue Sylvester wasn't even a character in it! Even when Bob didn't get the role, we were still awaiting you with bated breath. "This show is going to be huge," I said.
And you were. Despite some decidedly silly plotlines which shall remain nameless (*cough* fakepregnancy *cough*), to paraphrase Damn Yankees, you had heart. Miles and miles and miles o' heart. And some things you were hitting on the mark. A nerdy, insecure girl who wasn't nerdy and insecure because she had glasses and liked math (like every other nerd cliche), but an obsession with musical theatre and a whole lot of other issues. Two friends of the same sex who admitted they experimented sexually with one another, as many real teens do. A gay kid struggling with coming out, but not with his rough-around-the-edges father, who loved and accepted him all along. I'm STILL getting tears in my eyes thinking about it!
Also, the talent! Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison, two performers I'd enjoyed for years thanks to OBC's (Original Broadway Cast recordings for the cooler-than-I) and YouTube, finally getting their due in exposure and paychecks way better than the stage could provide. Dianna Agron, able to handle a difficult pregnancy storyline while always looking gorgeous. Heather Morris, funny with one-liners and fierce with choreography. And Mike O'Malley, who'd been languishing in dumb sitcoms, in a dramatic and emotional turn that always, always felt real.
And then season 2 happened.
True to my prediction, you DID become huge, Glee. Huger than I ever expected, blowing up iTunes, selling DVD's like hotcakes, and going on a tour that was attended by people of every age. And I think it went to your head.
Granted, there have been some fun episodes this season. I loved "Duets," and "Sectionals" had a season 1 feel about it, in that it actually cared about the consistency of the characters--plus it showcased players who don't get to sing quite as much. I also appreciated the additions of Sam and Blaine, in more ways than one. Dayum.
But the inconsistency! Oh, the inconsistency!
Just as I had to eventually let go of my ex because I couldn't take the emotional ups-and-downs, I can't invest my time and energy with a show so incredibly frustrating. To wit: why does Terri only pop up once every seven episodes? Why is Mr. Schu now just a douche on the sidelines 93% of the time? Am I really supposed to believe Kurt will go back to McKinley, when I've never known a bullied kid to return to the scene of the bullying once he/she has escaped? And just when did Rachel change from a relatable chick who, while sometimes annoying, just wanted to be understood to a shrill harpy who sent her rival to a crackhouse?
(Because I still care for you, Glee, we will not begin to discuss the abominable Britney Spears butt-licking, the Rocky Horror that was only rocky-horrifying in that a GIRL played Frank N. Furter, and the terrible, terrible, one-dimensional-even-for-you, looks-like-a-40-year-old-porn-star Santana. I hate Santana. Please kill her. Not the actress, who I'm sure is very nice, but the character. Ditto Emma Pillsbury and her rage-inducing baby voice. Though I do like her wardrobe.)
I can't do it, Glee. Just like I can no longer wait for my ex's infrequent texts, I can't wait by the TV in hopes that you'll go back to the show you used to be.
In the halcyon days of your first season, I wrote a blog post doubling as a love letter to a show encapsulating what I wish high school would have been like for me--not the pregnancy stuff, but the breaking into perfectly choreographed numbers--while also capturing what it WAS like for me, as the ambitious wannabe star who sometimes went too far but got far more crap from her peers than she deserved.
Glee, I can't promise we can be what we once were, but in the interest of your own self-improvement, you might want to reread that postletter.
I wish you well. But right now, I have to Slushie you.
Love,
Unpro
